Boris
11-20-2010, 12:36 PM
And here's your least-beloved reporter from an imaginary location in Scotland, with the exclusive on the latest Boys news!
Shocking hot revelations about the darkest secret nobody could care less for: Starlight Origins!
Well, sit down and enjoy. You wouldn't believe what you read. I will not show the usual SPOILERS alert, because everybody should know.
It is with the craziest enthusiasm that I announce you this was one of the dumbest, most boring issues in the whole Boys series.
We were left last month with our smart boy Hughie walking home and realizing his former Seven blowing True Love is currently meeting his parents.
Anybody with a brain would have called the cops and/or beaten the hell off the unbelievable offender with a baseball bat, but not our icecold Hughie, who in fact is now shown having a nice walk with his heartbreaking ex-girlfiend.
And while our fearless, not to be fuc*ed with, unbreakable superhero helplessly stares into the void, our fragile superheroine feels the urge to tell him the sad story of her life (smart, smart move. Who, indeed, having just been cheated and betrayed by his/her lover, wouldn'd be interested more than ever into hearing his/her motivations?).
Anyway, the staggering, soul-shattering tale of Annie will bring you down to your knees. It seems she permanently blinded out her parents at birth and thus was given into foster care to a family on Vought's paybook. Yeah, nobody could have guessed that.
Even worse, she was, believe it or not, raised to be a superheroine!!!
That's SHOCKING, I always assumed she was a Supergirl cosplayer.
And that's not enough! Vought procedures for raising supes actually involve beauty contests and reality shows auditions, with hysterical mommies supporting their little princesses and all the rest. Oh, the cruelty!!!
If that was supposed to be a satire or something, I could not get it.
Now, the question we all were asking since the beginning of the book.
"WHO THE HELL DOES CARE AT ALL OF THIS SOAP OPERA BULLSHIT?"
Well... Hughie does.
I didn't believe Ennis would have thrown such an evil trick on his beloved fans, but that's what happened. Hughie, tears in his eyes, sad melancholy in his heart, painfully recalls how HE was thrown into this superhero craze.
And now, only now, does he understand the sufferings of her poor, unfortunate soul mate. Sigh...sob... pass me a handkerchief, please.
Let's ease our emotions by switching on Scotland's most evil drug gang, that is currently refining details of the darkest dealing operation ever. Aren't they SCARY EVIL? No.
It just happens that the two idiots from a couple issues ago have some doubts, because, you know, there's all kinds of horror stories about V-laced crack, and they even managed to find some pictures of actual V-stuff victims.
Wait, wait. Horror stories? PICS on the web? Wasn't V-stuff supposed to be a SECRET? Where are Vought Men in Black when you need them?
Apparently, in the Boys world, if you spent five minutes on Google, you would find plenty of news about some junkie turning into the Hulk after a bad trip.
Seriously, can anybody tell me what's happening???
And now, back to our Love Story From Hell supercouple.
In a smashing turn of events that will make all of you ask what's Garth Ennis drinking these days, Annie suddenly starts to behave like Butcher, pressing our pal about *that* video.
How did Hughie really get his hands on that? Do the Seven have hidden cams into their base? And who managed to deliver the bad news to him, given that only he and Annie are supposed to know what's going on?
The issues ends with Annie incomprehensibly challenging Hughie to call her a bitch again. Come on, we all know where this is going, right?
Please, Garth, there's still time for the "it was all a bad dream" ending. :(
Shocking hot revelations about the darkest secret nobody could care less for: Starlight Origins!
Well, sit down and enjoy. You wouldn't believe what you read. I will not show the usual SPOILERS alert, because everybody should know.
It is with the craziest enthusiasm that I announce you this was one of the dumbest, most boring issues in the whole Boys series.
We were left last month with our smart boy Hughie walking home and realizing his former Seven blowing True Love is currently meeting his parents.
Anybody with a brain would have called the cops and/or beaten the hell off the unbelievable offender with a baseball bat, but not our icecold Hughie, who in fact is now shown having a nice walk with his heartbreaking ex-girlfiend.
And while our fearless, not to be fuc*ed with, unbreakable superhero helplessly stares into the void, our fragile superheroine feels the urge to tell him the sad story of her life (smart, smart move. Who, indeed, having just been cheated and betrayed by his/her lover, wouldn'd be interested more than ever into hearing his/her motivations?).
Anyway, the staggering, soul-shattering tale of Annie will bring you down to your knees. It seems she permanently blinded out her parents at birth and thus was given into foster care to a family on Vought's paybook. Yeah, nobody could have guessed that.
Even worse, she was, believe it or not, raised to be a superheroine!!!
That's SHOCKING, I always assumed she was a Supergirl cosplayer.
And that's not enough! Vought procedures for raising supes actually involve beauty contests and reality shows auditions, with hysterical mommies supporting their little princesses and all the rest. Oh, the cruelty!!!
If that was supposed to be a satire or something, I could not get it.
Now, the question we all were asking since the beginning of the book.
"WHO THE HELL DOES CARE AT ALL OF THIS SOAP OPERA BULLSHIT?"
Well... Hughie does.
I didn't believe Ennis would have thrown such an evil trick on his beloved fans, but that's what happened. Hughie, tears in his eyes, sad melancholy in his heart, painfully recalls how HE was thrown into this superhero craze.
And now, only now, does he understand the sufferings of her poor, unfortunate soul mate. Sigh...sob... pass me a handkerchief, please.
Let's ease our emotions by switching on Scotland's most evil drug gang, that is currently refining details of the darkest dealing operation ever. Aren't they SCARY EVIL? No.
It just happens that the two idiots from a couple issues ago have some doubts, because, you know, there's all kinds of horror stories about V-laced crack, and they even managed to find some pictures of actual V-stuff victims.
Wait, wait. Horror stories? PICS on the web? Wasn't V-stuff supposed to be a SECRET? Where are Vought Men in Black when you need them?
Apparently, in the Boys world, if you spent five minutes on Google, you would find plenty of news about some junkie turning into the Hulk after a bad trip.
Seriously, can anybody tell me what's happening???
And now, back to our Love Story From Hell supercouple.
In a smashing turn of events that will make all of you ask what's Garth Ennis drinking these days, Annie suddenly starts to behave like Butcher, pressing our pal about *that* video.
How did Hughie really get his hands on that? Do the Seven have hidden cams into their base? And who managed to deliver the bad news to him, given that only he and Annie are supposed to know what's going on?
The issues ends with Annie incomprehensibly challenging Hughie to call her a bitch again. Come on, we all know where this is going, right?
Please, Garth, there's still time for the "it was all a bad dream" ending. :(