Kamakazi
02-18-2011, 07:12 PM
Our tale starts at some sort of White House gathering. There's the typical cynical banter that Ennis thinks is how people talk. Suddenly, out of nowhere, it's everyone's favorite Supergroup: The Wheelchair Girl Brigade! And where there's athletic paraplegic women, can Monkey be far behind? I SAY THEE NAY!
What? You haven't read the book yet, so nothing I'm writing makes sense? Guess what: the book won't help you much. Apparently, Dakota Bob wants to incorporate crippled women into the Military. Don't ask me- I don't write this stuff.
Anyway, so Butcher walks in. It's possible that he walks past Vought Man. The art in this title makes it impossible to tell. Maybe it's just Vic the Veep and some random nobody. It suddenly occurs to me that this is precisely why superheros/villains wear costumes: so I can recognize them when they appear in the book.
So anyway, Monkey is planning to molest one of the Wheelchair Girls. Man, I never in a million years would have seen that coming. We're next treated to one of those "Only in a comic by Garth Ennis" moments, where Monkey tries to sexually assault a cripple. He mentions that "a man kicked him so much that his junk doesn't work", and I assume that man to be Butcher. The problem is, I have no idea who Ennis intends us to empathize with. For all we know, Monkey was perfectly normal before he met Butcher. Anyway, I'd like to go just ONE friggin' Arc without Ennis including a dildo. But I guess then I'd just be reading Warren Ellis.
Wheelchair Girl proceeds to beat the hell out of Monkey. You know what's wrong with this scene? Everything. From Butcher managing to magically materialize inside the locked room without the girl noticing, to the fact that I've been given ZERO reason to get joy out of seeing Monkey beaten up. All we know about Monkey is that Butcher showed up one day and started assaulting him, and now he's impotent. You know who was a GOOD villain? Jesus deSade, from Preacher. We had reason to hate him. We were shown why he was a bad person. When Jesse finally kicked the crap out of him, we felt a sense of completion. Monkey is just a lazy cartoon of a character.
...and speaking of lazy, in the next scene, we have Vought Girl looking at Butcher's file... and the artist has literally filled it in with "blah blah blah". You know, when the Creative team doesn't even care, why should I? This title has managed to slog on for years now based on little more than the fact that there will always be a market for meretricious pornography, but come on. "Blah blah blah"? I'm a bit amazed that Braun isn't just doodling stick-figures, and signing the whole thing "who gives a shit?"
Speaking of not giving a shit, I'd TOTALLY forgotten that Hughie's last name was "Campbell". Anyway, Vought Chick, who is apparently on the phone with Vought Guy, indulges in the kind of stilted conversation that's obviously meant to confuse us as readers. Sadly, I cannot be arsed to care.
Vought Chick suggests using the Boys against the Seven, and vice-versa. Vought Guy thinks it's an interesting idea. They apparently think it's time to do away with "Costumed Heros". Which is completely retarded, because if they have a way to make competent, non-costumed heros, they really only have to deal with Homelander. Once he's gone, the others go back to being circus freaks.
Vought Girl suggests that they play a game of Yu-Gi-Oh! using the Boys and the Seven as their Power Cards. Even Vought Guy thinks it's a stupid idea. I'm really not getting this entire scene. You can't go from cripples and dildos directly to too-clever-for-it's-own-good nudge/wink nuance and expect me to stay on board.
...fortunately, I don't have to, because in the next scene we're back to dildos and lowbrow humor. And bestiality, because we hadn't had enough of that lately. Wonderful.
Next, Butcher walks in on Rayner. My Retardo-Meter explodes before I even finish reading the page. See, a lot of you might not know this, but the U.S. Government consists of precisely five people, and none of them are ever guarded. You could walk right in to any of those five people and start threatening them, and there wouldn't be a thing they could do about it. Fortunately, Butcher knows this carefully guarded secret, so he just walks right in.
They talk about the coming Supe Apocalypse. Then Butcher, in probably the most stunning swerve in history of this title, comes as close as he's likely to come to apologizing. He tells Rayner that he never would have actually killed her children. I'm not sure I believe him. Rayner recounts half of a story. That's happening a lot this issue. Oh well. Rayner reminds Butcher that he once said they deserved each other. Butcher, in a stunning moment of self-awareness, tells her that NOBODY deserves him. Heh. Very nice.
They of course end up having sex. Butcher has been recording the entire thing. Oh, I suppose I should mention that Butcher sets up the inevitable deus ex machina that will finish off the entire series: Supes have brain waves that can be tracked by missiles. Whatever.
Back with Vought Girl, we find that she's finished her Boys vs Seven RPG, and it show that the Seven would win against the Boys. Duh. But the silly part is that it shows only Homelander and Black Noir surviving, with a "maybe" on Maeve. I mean for hell's sake, Jack is invulnerable, even A-Train should be able to deal with anyone in the Boys.
...and there you have it, issue #51! Notable mainly for taking us back several months in the plot, to a time when Monkey was ineffectual, Rayner was having sex with Butcher, and we were being subjected to pointless mysteries about Mother's Milk's Mom. Yes, we get it, she's a giant monstrous pile of mammary glands. Sheese, already.
What? You haven't read the book yet, so nothing I'm writing makes sense? Guess what: the book won't help you much. Apparently, Dakota Bob wants to incorporate crippled women into the Military. Don't ask me- I don't write this stuff.
Anyway, so Butcher walks in. It's possible that he walks past Vought Man. The art in this title makes it impossible to tell. Maybe it's just Vic the Veep and some random nobody. It suddenly occurs to me that this is precisely why superheros/villains wear costumes: so I can recognize them when they appear in the book.
So anyway, Monkey is planning to molest one of the Wheelchair Girls. Man, I never in a million years would have seen that coming. We're next treated to one of those "Only in a comic by Garth Ennis" moments, where Monkey tries to sexually assault a cripple. He mentions that "a man kicked him so much that his junk doesn't work", and I assume that man to be Butcher. The problem is, I have no idea who Ennis intends us to empathize with. For all we know, Monkey was perfectly normal before he met Butcher. Anyway, I'd like to go just ONE friggin' Arc without Ennis including a dildo. But I guess then I'd just be reading Warren Ellis.
Wheelchair Girl proceeds to beat the hell out of Monkey. You know what's wrong with this scene? Everything. From Butcher managing to magically materialize inside the locked room without the girl noticing, to the fact that I've been given ZERO reason to get joy out of seeing Monkey beaten up. All we know about Monkey is that Butcher showed up one day and started assaulting him, and now he's impotent. You know who was a GOOD villain? Jesus deSade, from Preacher. We had reason to hate him. We were shown why he was a bad person. When Jesse finally kicked the crap out of him, we felt a sense of completion. Monkey is just a lazy cartoon of a character.
...and speaking of lazy, in the next scene, we have Vought Girl looking at Butcher's file... and the artist has literally filled it in with "blah blah blah". You know, when the Creative team doesn't even care, why should I? This title has managed to slog on for years now based on little more than the fact that there will always be a market for meretricious pornography, but come on. "Blah blah blah"? I'm a bit amazed that Braun isn't just doodling stick-figures, and signing the whole thing "who gives a shit?"
Speaking of not giving a shit, I'd TOTALLY forgotten that Hughie's last name was "Campbell". Anyway, Vought Chick, who is apparently on the phone with Vought Guy, indulges in the kind of stilted conversation that's obviously meant to confuse us as readers. Sadly, I cannot be arsed to care.
Vought Chick suggests using the Boys against the Seven, and vice-versa. Vought Guy thinks it's an interesting idea. They apparently think it's time to do away with "Costumed Heros". Which is completely retarded, because if they have a way to make competent, non-costumed heros, they really only have to deal with Homelander. Once he's gone, the others go back to being circus freaks.
Vought Girl suggests that they play a game of Yu-Gi-Oh! using the Boys and the Seven as their Power Cards. Even Vought Guy thinks it's a stupid idea. I'm really not getting this entire scene. You can't go from cripples and dildos directly to too-clever-for-it's-own-good nudge/wink nuance and expect me to stay on board.
...fortunately, I don't have to, because in the next scene we're back to dildos and lowbrow humor. And bestiality, because we hadn't had enough of that lately. Wonderful.
Next, Butcher walks in on Rayner. My Retardo-Meter explodes before I even finish reading the page. See, a lot of you might not know this, but the U.S. Government consists of precisely five people, and none of them are ever guarded. You could walk right in to any of those five people and start threatening them, and there wouldn't be a thing they could do about it. Fortunately, Butcher knows this carefully guarded secret, so he just walks right in.
They talk about the coming Supe Apocalypse. Then Butcher, in probably the most stunning swerve in history of this title, comes as close as he's likely to come to apologizing. He tells Rayner that he never would have actually killed her children. I'm not sure I believe him. Rayner recounts half of a story. That's happening a lot this issue. Oh well. Rayner reminds Butcher that he once said they deserved each other. Butcher, in a stunning moment of self-awareness, tells her that NOBODY deserves him. Heh. Very nice.
They of course end up having sex. Butcher has been recording the entire thing. Oh, I suppose I should mention that Butcher sets up the inevitable deus ex machina that will finish off the entire series: Supes have brain waves that can be tracked by missiles. Whatever.
Back with Vought Girl, we find that she's finished her Boys vs Seven RPG, and it show that the Seven would win against the Boys. Duh. But the silly part is that it shows only Homelander and Black Noir surviving, with a "maybe" on Maeve. I mean for hell's sake, Jack is invulnerable, even A-Train should be able to deal with anyone in the Boys.
...and there you have it, issue #51! Notable mainly for taking us back several months in the plot, to a time when Monkey was ineffectual, Rayner was having sex with Butcher, and we were being subjected to pointless mysteries about Mother's Milk's Mom. Yes, we get it, she's a giant monstrous pile of mammary glands. Sheese, already.