Let's play a game. Every time something completely inexplicable happens in this issue, take a drink of vodka. Try not to die.
We open with the scene we've all been waiting for: Vought-Porn! Vought-Girl is inexplicably wearing her signature glasses, and nothing else. Also, she's reading a newspaper. Not checking out CNN on her iPad. Reading an honest-to-allah newspaper. This is a minor point, but don't worry. Things get worse.
Vought Guy assures Vought Gal that she'll be fine. He is so obviously setting her up to take the fall for all of this that even Hughie would be able to figure it out. Speaking of Hughie… we cut to Hughie, having a discussion with Frenchie. Frenchie is now suddenly not only completely coherent, but also a master tactician. We've talked about this from the preview, but here's inexplicable thing #3, for those of you keeping score: Frenchie suggests, with a straight face, that he, captain numbnuts, and imbecile-girl have a better chance at taking down Butcher than does the U.S. Military.
Hughie finds the missing Professor, who is dead. There's already a thread dedicated to how completely retarded and illogical it would be that Butcher was keeping Professor V in a house owned by Mallory, so I wan't bother, but for hell's sake. This is the kind of stupid that gives stupid a bad name. It literally wouldn't be any stupider if Galactus suddenly showed up and claimed to be Hughie's long-lost father.
Butcher calls Hughie, and they reenact the old "HE'S CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!" urban legend. So basically, Butcher kills ProV, then sits around waiting for Hughie to use his legendary Scooby-Doo Detective Skillz to figure out that Butcher is keeping ProfV in a house that Butcher bought from Mallory after telling Mallory that he killed ProfV, despite there being a minimum of ten trillion better places to hide him.
Hughie, being a useless asshole, decides to wander back to New York. Speaking of New York- let's assume that you're part of the Boys. Let's further assume that you know that one of your team mates was just brutally murdered in the ONLY location that is mutually known to all of you. Where DON'T you set up your base of operations? You're probably all thinking "The Flatiron Building. Man, I REALLY wouldn't set up base THERE. That would be major-league fucktarded." Yet that's exactly what Frenchie, Female, and Hughie have decided to do. Now, let me repeat this. They know that Butcher has been systematically hunting down and murdering every single person who might even remotely pose a threat to his plan to exterminate the Supes, and they decide it's be a really cool idea to set up shop in the one place he'll know where to find them. A place where he already murdered Mother's Milk mere hours before.
So bye-bye to our beloved lunatics, Frenchie and The Female. While I was touched by the fact that Frenchie finally got to declare his love to the Female before they were vaporized, it's still a remarkably moronic scene.
Hughie arrives just in time to see them blown to smithereens. As he's lying in a pool of his own worthlessness, it suddenly occurs to him that Butcher "wants Hughie to stop him." Uh… if that turns out to be true, it'll be the dumbest damn thing that's ever happened in this book, and that's saying something. Butcher "wants to be stopped", so he recruited the world's most useless human being to do it?
BTW, after reading the story, it suddenly occurs to me that Becky's story is complete B.S.- She was never raped by Black Noir. She just had an attraction to violent douchebags. She met Black Noir in an alley and begged him to boff her on a pile of dirty mattresses. She made up the "rape" thing to explain the resulting pregnancy.
We open with the scene we've all been waiting for: Vought-Porn! Vought-Girl is inexplicably wearing her signature glasses, and nothing else. Also, she's reading a newspaper. Not checking out CNN on her iPad. Reading an honest-to-allah newspaper. This is a minor point, but don't worry. Things get worse.
Vought Guy assures Vought Gal that she'll be fine. He is so obviously setting her up to take the fall for all of this that even Hughie would be able to figure it out. Speaking of Hughie… we cut to Hughie, having a discussion with Frenchie. Frenchie is now suddenly not only completely coherent, but also a master tactician. We've talked about this from the preview, but here's inexplicable thing #3, for those of you keeping score: Frenchie suggests, with a straight face, that he, captain numbnuts, and imbecile-girl have a better chance at taking down Butcher than does the U.S. Military.
Hughie finds the missing Professor, who is dead. There's already a thread dedicated to how completely retarded and illogical it would be that Butcher was keeping Professor V in a house owned by Mallory, so I wan't bother, but for hell's sake. This is the kind of stupid that gives stupid a bad name. It literally wouldn't be any stupider if Galactus suddenly showed up and claimed to be Hughie's long-lost father.
Butcher calls Hughie, and they reenact the old "HE'S CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!" urban legend. So basically, Butcher kills ProV, then sits around waiting for Hughie to use his legendary Scooby-Doo Detective Skillz to figure out that Butcher is keeping ProfV in a house that Butcher bought from Mallory after telling Mallory that he killed ProfV, despite there being a minimum of ten trillion better places to hide him.
Hughie, being a useless asshole, decides to wander back to New York. Speaking of New York- let's assume that you're part of the Boys. Let's further assume that you know that one of your team mates was just brutally murdered in the ONLY location that is mutually known to all of you. Where DON'T you set up your base of operations? You're probably all thinking "The Flatiron Building. Man, I REALLY wouldn't set up base THERE. That would be major-league fucktarded." Yet that's exactly what Frenchie, Female, and Hughie have decided to do. Now, let me repeat this. They know that Butcher has been systematically hunting down and murdering every single person who might even remotely pose a threat to his plan to exterminate the Supes, and they decide it's be a really cool idea to set up shop in the one place he'll know where to find them. A place where he already murdered Mother's Milk mere hours before.
So bye-bye to our beloved lunatics, Frenchie and The Female. While I was touched by the fact that Frenchie finally got to declare his love to the Female before they were vaporized, it's still a remarkably moronic scene.
Hughie arrives just in time to see them blown to smithereens. As he's lying in a pool of his own worthlessness, it suddenly occurs to him that Butcher "wants Hughie to stop him." Uh… if that turns out to be true, it'll be the dumbest damn thing that's ever happened in this book, and that's saying something. Butcher "wants to be stopped", so he recruited the world's most useless human being to do it?
BTW, after reading the story, it suddenly occurs to me that Becky's story is complete B.S.- She was never raped by Black Noir. She just had an attraction to violent douchebags. She met Black Noir in an alley and begged him to boff her on a pile of dirty mattresses. She made up the "rape" thing to explain the resulting pregnancy.
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