Gather round the campfire me lads, and I'll tell ye a story. We start in the fishing village of York, which men call "New". In it, ye olde Village Idiot has reversed the laws of gravity, and has managed to reverse-impale himself on some improbably downward facing spikes. I guess Garth just wrote "Hugie is impaled on some railing", and Ye Olde Artist didn't bother asking how Hughie would manage such a feat, given that he was falling down, not up. The Olde Village Butcher is also wounded most sore, having lost all feeling below his neck. So if if you put the two of them together, you'd have one more or less complete human being.
Ye Olde Idiot whines that being impaled "really hurts". Butcher calls him "a tit". I don't think that's fair. I like tits. Anyway, Ye Idiot manages to extricate himself, and ties off his wound with his belt. We are informed that Ye Butcher's doomsday device is safely out of reach. Okay, a small side note: there's only ONE hero in all of the universe of The Boys who could manage to fall UP and impale himself. Bonus points for the first person to name him. And no, it's not MalChemical. He could infact fall up, but he wouldn't be such a dumbass as to stick himself on fencing.
At this point, Hughie does the one thing that could make me hate him even more: he starts to cry. Seriously, he needs to grow some balls. Even tiny balls. They chat about their feelings for a while, and decide to form a drum circle and talk about their menstrual cycles. The Olde Butcher informs us that he killed Frenchie and the Female as an act of mercy. If only he'd shown the same mercy to us, and offed Hughie first. After sharing their dreams and aspirations with each other for a while, Ye Butcher informs Ye Idiot that he's "a decent bloke". Because in EnnisVerse, "good" equals "stupid".
Seventeen thousand pages of Recap ensues, wherein Butcher reminds us of all the previous plot arcs. Because that's what we need in the penultimate issue of The Boys. A recap of previous plotlines.
Back with Vought Girl:
Wow, none of us saw THAT coming, now did we? BTW, I've tried to pull my own hair out like that before. It doesn't work. I have, however, done it to others.
Back with Ye Idiot and Ye Butcher... I think I lost track of my Olde English gimmick, so screw it... MUCH DRAMATIC SITTING OCCURS. Lots of sitting. Butcher asks Hughie to kill him. I entertain a vain hope that it's all a ploy to get Hughie close enough so that Butcher can bite his throat out. Alas, it is not to be. Instead, Butcher makes up a clearly bullshit story about killing Hughie's parents. Hughie, being retarded, falls for it and stabs Butcher with the same railing that previously impaled him. Hughie uses Butcher's phone to call home, where his mother conveniently (and inexplicably) immediately starts talking about Butcher, and the nice visit they had "last year".
.....annnnnnnd there it ends. Literally 99% of the book consisted of people sitting on the floor, Flashbacking to stuff we already knew.
Ye Olde Idiot whines that being impaled "really hurts". Butcher calls him "a tit". I don't think that's fair. I like tits. Anyway, Ye Idiot manages to extricate himself, and ties off his wound with his belt. We are informed that Ye Butcher's doomsday device is safely out of reach. Okay, a small side note: there's only ONE hero in all of the universe of The Boys who could manage to fall UP and impale himself. Bonus points for the first person to name him. And no, it's not MalChemical. He could infact fall up, but he wouldn't be such a dumbass as to stick himself on fencing.
At this point, Hughie does the one thing that could make me hate him even more: he starts to cry. Seriously, he needs to grow some balls. Even tiny balls. They chat about their feelings for a while, and decide to form a drum circle and talk about their menstrual cycles. The Olde Butcher informs us that he killed Frenchie and the Female as an act of mercy. If only he'd shown the same mercy to us, and offed Hughie first. After sharing their dreams and aspirations with each other for a while, Ye Butcher informs Ye Idiot that he's "a decent bloke". Because in EnnisVerse, "good" equals "stupid".
Seventeen thousand pages of Recap ensues, wherein Butcher reminds us of all the previous plot arcs. Because that's what we need in the penultimate issue of The Boys. A recap of previous plotlines.
Back with Vought Girl:
Wow, none of us saw THAT coming, now did we? BTW, I've tried to pull my own hair out like that before. It doesn't work. I have, however, done it to others.
Back with Ye Idiot and Ye Butcher... I think I lost track of my Olde English gimmick, so screw it... MUCH DRAMATIC SITTING OCCURS. Lots of sitting. Butcher asks Hughie to kill him. I entertain a vain hope that it's all a ploy to get Hughie close enough so that Butcher can bite his throat out. Alas, it is not to be. Instead, Butcher makes up a clearly bullshit story about killing Hughie's parents. Hughie, being retarded, falls for it and stabs Butcher with the same railing that previously impaled him. Hughie uses Butcher's phone to call home, where his mother conveniently (and inexplicably) immediately starts talking about Butcher, and the nice visit they had "last year".
.....annnnnnnd there it ends. Literally 99% of the book consisted of people sitting on the floor, Flashbacking to stuff we already knew.
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