This is it! The issue we've all been waiting for! The epic SHOWDOWN between the World's Second Most Powerful Superteam and The Boys! WHO WILL WIN? WHAT WILL HAPPEN? HOW WILL THE BOYS SURVI...
Oh, hell. Who am I fooling?
Butcher kills them all. I've been telling you this was going to happen for three months now.
The Boys #33 opens with Butcher arming himself with various implements of carnage, such as a pick-axe, some broken glass, and bricks. Because clearly, you could take out the Avengers with weapons like that. And let's keep in mind that Payback is supposed to be the Avengers. It's rammed home with all the subtlety of... well, a Garth Ennis comic. Thereafter follows several pages wherein Ennis rants that the Avengers are nothing but a second-rate JLA. (Seriously, did Ennis just wake up from a 30-year coma? I'm pretty sure that the Avengers have been a bit more popular than the JLA for quite a while now. I mean seriously, give me a call when Martian Manhunter has a 60 million dollar opening weekend, the way Iron Man did.)
We all know what's going to happen. The hapless Supes are going to stand around looking like idiots, doing NOTHING to defend themselves while Butcher kills them. And that's exactly what happens. First, he throws glass in Stormfront's remaining eye. And despite being Thor, this moronic course of attack succeeds. Stormfront doesn't dodge, doesn't fight back, doesn't do a single thing other than stand there and let Butcher toss glass in his eye. Then he runs away in fear.
See, for Ennis, this is not about creating a compelling fight scene, or telling a good story. It's about Ennis expressing his hatred of superhero comics.
Next, we cut to the JLA. And if I appear to just be dispensing with the formality of referring to these guys by their Aliases, it's because Ennis has decided to do the same thing. He barely even bothered to give "Fantastico" a different name than the Fantastic Four. So Superma... uh, "Homelander" is watching TV and being passive-aggressive. A-Train and Jack from Jupiter are complaining that Starlight won't wear her new costume. Homelander tells them to screw off. He's apparently tired of Vought telling him what to do.
We're also treated to several pages of Vought employees arguing about whether or not it's wise to try and kill The Boys. One of them is worried that if Butcher is killed, his files on The Seven will go to the media. Let me state something as clearly as possible:
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST PLOTLINE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WRITTEN WORD.
Think about it for a second. There are literally thousands of people who know that the Seven are depraved, baby-smoking assholes. From the prostitutes they hire to the people who clean up after them to anyone that meets them for more than ten seconds... it's common knowledge that the Seven are evil.
...and nobody cares. As Herogasm showed, the Supes can get together every year for a gigantic orgy of drugs, bestiality, and the casual murder of plane-loads of tourists, and NOBODY CARES. They write it off by telling the public that the Supes are off saving the world from the Skrull Invasion, and everyone buys it without question. So what could Butcher possibly know that would make any difference at all in how the world sees the Seven? He could have them on tape gang-raping a Nun, and all Vought would have to do is claim that it was Aliens impersonating them, and everyone would buy it.
Thus, this entire plotline is stupid. And insulting to the reader. But let's be honest there: that's Ennis' entire goal with this book. Every page of it is him taking a huge dump right on your forehead, then laughing as you rush off to your favorite message board to inform Teh Intrawebs of how awesome this book is because it has nudity in it.
So, back with Payback. Butcher kills the remaining three. They, of course, don't bother to defend themselves. He sticks the Pickaxe through Swatto, then decapitates Mind-Droid and Soldier Boy while they plead for their lives. Remember, Butcher is the hero. I realize it's pointless to care, but for hell's sake, NONE of these three characters had done anything at all to The Boys. It was Stormfront that mildly bruised The Female. We've seen The Female brutally murder a minimum of a dozen completely innocent people over the course of this title. But hey, Stormfront bruised her up a little, so let's all cheer for Butcher as he murders three people in cold blood as they plead for their lives.
Now, speaking of annoying Garth Ennis-ism... since it wouldn't be a Garth Ennis title without a character who speaks in unreadable gibberish, Solider Boy spends the entire issue tlkung lak diush due to his severed nose. It's like Ennis is literally daring you to keep reading this crap.
Okay, I've bitched enough about the writing. Now let's talk about the art. The next scene takes place with Wonder Woman and Starlight. The art is so bad that I literally did a double-take. I had to check the page twice to make sure that I wasn't accidentally reading 'Rob Leifeld: The Early Years'. I defy you to look at the first panel of this page and tell me you believe that a professional artist drew it. It's as though Burns and McCrea are getting as tired of drawing this nonsense as I am of reading it.
Hell, even the Colorist has given up. They've colored A-Train's costume to look like his old, bare-calf version, despite the fact that he's literally talking about his new costume. Think about that for a second. The Colorist couldn't be arsed to accurately portray a costume change that is literally the subject of the entire page. All I can guess is that the art team feels as burned out and abused by this book as I do. One imagines them huddled in a darkened room, shaking uncontrollably, whispering "At least there wasn't any dog-sex or child pornography this time around" to each other.
Anyway, for absolutely no reason that makes any sense whatsoever, Black Noir (who has apparently been regulated to 'guy that pops up to do utterly pointless things) tries to intimidate Starlight into wearing her new costume. He makes some grunting noises at her, despite the fact that it's been shown that he can talk, as recently as a week ago in Herogasm 3.
...and, in a SHOCKING MOVE that SURPRISES EVERYONE, Queen Maeve intercedes on Starlight's behalf. Yeah boy, didn't see that one coming. Nosiree.
Back in the ambulance, we get Stormfront's backstory, courtesy of Mother's Milk. It turns out Stormfront is an actual Nazi. Never mind that this would make him close to 90 years old.
This guy? He's 86. His secret? A high-fiber diet.
Now I know what you're thinking. "A Nazi? Not just a neo-nazi, or a White Supremacist? How the hell can he be a real, circa 1940 HITLER YOUTH Nazi?" Let me explain. He's a Nazi because it's the easiest, laziest thing Ennis could come up with. (Actually, that's not quite true, but he'd already made every other Supe in the world a homosexual, so he wanted to mix things up a bit.)
Oh, and there's a side plot about how Hughie doesn't know who any of the Supes are. This is thrown in to try and explain why Hughie doesn't realize that he's dating a member of the Seven, but it comes off as the kind of silly nonsense that a complete Hack would write when trying to cover up a ridiculous plot hole. It's Hughie's JOB to know who these people are. He regularly murders them. But we're supposed to believe that Hughie can't be bothered to learn the names of The Seven, who he knows want to kill him and all his friends? One of whom actually did kill his previous girlfriend? And Hughie is supposed to be the guy we relate to, despite the fact that he's apparently the stupidest human being living on the face of the planet?
Wee Hughie: Pothead. Conspiracy Theorist. World class Tool.
Believe it or not, there was a time that I admired Garth Ennis. I might go back and read myself some Preacher, just to try and recall those happier days.
The issue ends with The Frenchman telling Hughie that Stormfront is the Nazi Anti-Christ, and personally commits acts of genocide. Keep in mind, The Boys know all this about Stormfront, but they've never done a thing to stop it. We're supposed to believe that Butcher's "information" could DESTROY The Seven, but he can't even keep Stormfront from murdering Ethiopians. I realize that Ennis was just desperately trying to make Stormfront seem like a threat, but maybe he should have thought of that before he punked out Payback. There's absolutely no reason to believe that Stormfront is going to last any longer against Butcher than the other four members of Payback did.
...and that's it. That's how the issue ends. So we have at least one more issue before we're finally free of this arc. At least there's been a lot less pedophilia this time around.
Reading this arc depresses me, because it's clearly a foreshadow of what's going to happen when the inevitable showdown with The Seven occurs. Butcher will easily murder most of them, and then he and Homelander will have a "climatic showdown" in which Butcher gets punched once or twice, and then kills Homelander as easily as he's killed everyone else. By then we'll have read the exact same story four times: "Butcher murders your favorite Super Team".
Oh, hell. Who am I fooling?
Butcher kills them all. I've been telling you this was going to happen for three months now.
The Boys #33 opens with Butcher arming himself with various implements of carnage, such as a pick-axe, some broken glass, and bricks. Because clearly, you could take out the Avengers with weapons like that. And let's keep in mind that Payback is supposed to be the Avengers. It's rammed home with all the subtlety of... well, a Garth Ennis comic. Thereafter follows several pages wherein Ennis rants that the Avengers are nothing but a second-rate JLA. (Seriously, did Ennis just wake up from a 30-year coma? I'm pretty sure that the Avengers have been a bit more popular than the JLA for quite a while now. I mean seriously, give me a call when Martian Manhunter has a 60 million dollar opening weekend, the way Iron Man did.)
We all know what's going to happen. The hapless Supes are going to stand around looking like idiots, doing NOTHING to defend themselves while Butcher kills them. And that's exactly what happens. First, he throws glass in Stormfront's remaining eye. And despite being Thor, this moronic course of attack succeeds. Stormfront doesn't dodge, doesn't fight back, doesn't do a single thing other than stand there and let Butcher toss glass in his eye. Then he runs away in fear.
See, for Ennis, this is not about creating a compelling fight scene, or telling a good story. It's about Ennis expressing his hatred of superhero comics.
Next, we cut to the JLA. And if I appear to just be dispensing with the formality of referring to these guys by their Aliases, it's because Ennis has decided to do the same thing. He barely even bothered to give "Fantastico" a different name than the Fantastic Four. So Superma... uh, "Homelander" is watching TV and being passive-aggressive. A-Train and Jack from Jupiter are complaining that Starlight won't wear her new costume. Homelander tells them to screw off. He's apparently tired of Vought telling him what to do.
We're also treated to several pages of Vought employees arguing about whether or not it's wise to try and kill The Boys. One of them is worried that if Butcher is killed, his files on The Seven will go to the media. Let me state something as clearly as possible:
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST PLOTLINE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WRITTEN WORD.
Think about it for a second. There are literally thousands of people who know that the Seven are depraved, baby-smoking assholes. From the prostitutes they hire to the people who clean up after them to anyone that meets them for more than ten seconds... it's common knowledge that the Seven are evil.
...and nobody cares. As Herogasm showed, the Supes can get together every year for a gigantic orgy of drugs, bestiality, and the casual murder of plane-loads of tourists, and NOBODY CARES. They write it off by telling the public that the Supes are off saving the world from the Skrull Invasion, and everyone buys it without question. So what could Butcher possibly know that would make any difference at all in how the world sees the Seven? He could have them on tape gang-raping a Nun, and all Vought would have to do is claim that it was Aliens impersonating them, and everyone would buy it.
Thus, this entire plotline is stupid. And insulting to the reader. But let's be honest there: that's Ennis' entire goal with this book. Every page of it is him taking a huge dump right on your forehead, then laughing as you rush off to your favorite message board to inform Teh Intrawebs of how awesome this book is because it has nudity in it.
So, back with Payback. Butcher kills the remaining three. They, of course, don't bother to defend themselves. He sticks the Pickaxe through Swatto, then decapitates Mind-Droid and Soldier Boy while they plead for their lives. Remember, Butcher is the hero. I realize it's pointless to care, but for hell's sake, NONE of these three characters had done anything at all to The Boys. It was Stormfront that mildly bruised The Female. We've seen The Female brutally murder a minimum of a dozen completely innocent people over the course of this title. But hey, Stormfront bruised her up a little, so let's all cheer for Butcher as he murders three people in cold blood as they plead for their lives.
Now, speaking of annoying Garth Ennis-ism... since it wouldn't be a Garth Ennis title without a character who speaks in unreadable gibberish, Solider Boy spends the entire issue tlkung lak diush due to his severed nose. It's like Ennis is literally daring you to keep reading this crap.
Okay, I've bitched enough about the writing. Now let's talk about the art. The next scene takes place with Wonder Woman and Starlight. The art is so bad that I literally did a double-take. I had to check the page twice to make sure that I wasn't accidentally reading 'Rob Leifeld: The Early Years'. I defy you to look at the first panel of this page and tell me you believe that a professional artist drew it. It's as though Burns and McCrea are getting as tired of drawing this nonsense as I am of reading it.
Hell, even the Colorist has given up. They've colored A-Train's costume to look like his old, bare-calf version, despite the fact that he's literally talking about his new costume. Think about that for a second. The Colorist couldn't be arsed to accurately portray a costume change that is literally the subject of the entire page. All I can guess is that the art team feels as burned out and abused by this book as I do. One imagines them huddled in a darkened room, shaking uncontrollably, whispering "At least there wasn't any dog-sex or child pornography this time around" to each other.
Anyway, for absolutely no reason that makes any sense whatsoever, Black Noir (who has apparently been regulated to 'guy that pops up to do utterly pointless things) tries to intimidate Starlight into wearing her new costume. He makes some grunting noises at her, despite the fact that it's been shown that he can talk, as recently as a week ago in Herogasm 3.
...and, in a SHOCKING MOVE that SURPRISES EVERYONE, Queen Maeve intercedes on Starlight's behalf. Yeah boy, didn't see that one coming. Nosiree.
Back in the ambulance, we get Stormfront's backstory, courtesy of Mother's Milk. It turns out Stormfront is an actual Nazi. Never mind that this would make him close to 90 years old.
This guy? He's 86. His secret? A high-fiber diet.
Now I know what you're thinking. "A Nazi? Not just a neo-nazi, or a White Supremacist? How the hell can he be a real, circa 1940 HITLER YOUTH Nazi?" Let me explain. He's a Nazi because it's the easiest, laziest thing Ennis could come up with. (Actually, that's not quite true, but he'd already made every other Supe in the world a homosexual, so he wanted to mix things up a bit.)
Oh, and there's a side plot about how Hughie doesn't know who any of the Supes are. This is thrown in to try and explain why Hughie doesn't realize that he's dating a member of the Seven, but it comes off as the kind of silly nonsense that a complete Hack would write when trying to cover up a ridiculous plot hole. It's Hughie's JOB to know who these people are. He regularly murders them. But we're supposed to believe that Hughie can't be bothered to learn the names of The Seven, who he knows want to kill him and all his friends? One of whom actually did kill his previous girlfriend? And Hughie is supposed to be the guy we relate to, despite the fact that he's apparently the stupidest human being living on the face of the planet?
Wee Hughie: Pothead. Conspiracy Theorist. World class Tool.
Believe it or not, there was a time that I admired Garth Ennis. I might go back and read myself some Preacher, just to try and recall those happier days.
The issue ends with The Frenchman telling Hughie that Stormfront is the Nazi Anti-Christ, and personally commits acts of genocide. Keep in mind, The Boys know all this about Stormfront, but they've never done a thing to stop it. We're supposed to believe that Butcher's "information" could DESTROY The Seven, but he can't even keep Stormfront from murdering Ethiopians. I realize that Ennis was just desperately trying to make Stormfront seem like a threat, but maybe he should have thought of that before he punked out Payback. There's absolutely no reason to believe that Stormfront is going to last any longer against Butcher than the other four members of Payback did.
...and that's it. That's how the issue ends. So we have at least one more issue before we're finally free of this arc. At least there's been a lot less pedophilia this time around.
Reading this arc depresses me, because it's clearly a foreshadow of what's going to happen when the inevitable showdown with The Seven occurs. Butcher will easily murder most of them, and then he and Homelander will have a "climatic showdown" in which Butcher gets punched once or twice, and then kills Homelander as easily as he's killed everyone else. By then we'll have read the exact same story four times: "Butcher murders your favorite Super Team".
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